Which characteristic of autism is my favorite? I don't know. Just being myself is ausome. Its not possible for me to identify which trait of autism is my favorite. Six months ago I did not identify as autistic. I could not define the terms "stim" or "echolalia", "perseverate" or "executive function".
I knew that I like to rock, flap, skip and shake my head a lot in private. I know to do it in private because it got me bullied in school. I used to see this as a waste of time and I was ashamed of my need to do this.
I knew I talk to myself a lot and repeat the same thing over and over. Again, I make sure to stop if I notice anyone nearby. I knew I like to go outside with headphones on. It keeps the annoying noise away and camouflages my repetitive speech as singing.
I knew I am socially awkward, and struggle in conversations. I knew I pre script most small talk. I knew I struggle with eye contact. I knew I don't really want to talk unless it is something I am interested in. I thought it was a self-esteem problem. Something for me to fix about myself.
I knew I have a hard time setting a plan into motion, especially a plan that takes me out of my routine. I often forget what I was planning until it is too late. I often request help from others in carrying out a plan. I thought it was because I was lazy and unmotivated.
What I didn't know was that there was nothing wrong with me. This is just me being myself, not a group of personal weaknesses standing between myself and happiness. This is the way I work, the way I live, the way I function. I don't need to be fixed. Cure not necessary.
The same characteristics that once brought me shame and embarassment now bring me comfort and joy. I am what I am.
What's ausome about autism? Acceptance