Sunday, March 17, 2013

To the two tools making fun of me on Mamaroneck Ave yesterday

   Trigger Warning: Bullying, Strong Language


    Gee I've never heard that one before!  They used to call me lurch in high school.  That was before I went out for football and started lifting weights (funny how a little muscle tone exponentially decreases peoples urge to bully you).  That was before I was aware of how awkward my posture, gait and walk were.

   In the world of gainful employment, I have learned to control my movements in public somewhat,  to be conscious of my back being straight and my feet pointing forward.  However, on the 6th day of a 5 day work week, when I have 4 hours of stuff to get done and 3 hours left to do it, I stop giving 2 shits if someone thinks I move like a .......

   Exhausted, at the end of a break I was rushing to get an extra large coffee, contemplating not my mannerisms, but an espresso shot.  I hear what I have heard a thousand times before.  I know they're talking about me.

   "Derp..dee...derp", "Derp..dee...derp", "Derp..dee...derp"

   I have never seen these two persons before.  Male fantasizing ensues.  I want to kick the ever loving crap out of them.  Or at least confront them.  But I have a job, I don't have a criminal record, and I don't have time.  I open the door to the coffee shop.  Then I promptly close it.  They have 1 worker and the crowd at the counter fills the store.  I would not have fit in the building. I decide to head back and settle on a Red Bull.

   "Awfully crowded in there"  one of them says to me in an infantile tone.  I know when I am being patronized.

   "Yeah".  I reply and start walking back towards work.  Even when dealing with people I don't like, I am programmed to act with a certain level of civility.  I work in retail after all.

    I hear their whispers and giggles as I walk away.  Then a lady I did not recognize (but wish I did, she was quite attractive) called me by name and said hi.

   I responded and asked her how she was, all this time having no idea who she is but being quite happy to see her.  She was about to go into a movie theater and saw me moving quickly, so the small talk was short and sweet.  The way I like it. I noticed that the snickering of the two fools standing on the sidewalk behind me had ceased.  

   And thus ends the cliched feel good story of week of the socially awkward Autistic nerdy guy becoming cool and his bullies being taught a lesson when accepted publically by a pretty woman he can't remember.  (FYI I never dated her.  My face blindness isn't THAT bad).  

  Or not. This shit really pisses me off.  I wasn't joking when I said my first reaction was to clobber these two clowns.  The timely acknowledgement of that woman made me feel relief for a brief second.  This brings back memories upon memories of being teased, bullied and rejected until I decided to stop accepting that.

    I am at least 8 inches taller, and in much better shape than both of them.  I might be slightly younger too.  Also they were smoking, and I doubt late 30 something smokers started smoking last week.  They didn't appear to have spent any intimate time with a bar of soap recently either.  My point being that these two jackasses are not anyone to be mocking me or anyone else, and if they wanted to take it further...well it would hurt them a hell of a lot more than it would hurt me.  

   I did not pulverise or confront these two because I was on work time and it is not worth it.  I cannot fight every battle that comes my way.  I do not have the spoons for it.  No human, autistic or NT does.  I cannot lash out everytime myself or someone like me is mistreated because the fight would never fucking end.


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